This was a note I wrote to my congregation.
When we found out that Linda was
pregnant at an “advanced maternal age,” which is doctor speak for being old,
there were a number of things we were concerned about. The first is that
ectopic pregnancies are much more common in older women, and it is a serious health risk. 10% of all deaths during pregnancy come from ectopic pregnancies,
even though they are less than 2% of all pregnancies.
The second was the risk of
miscarriage, which is greater than 40% in women over the age of 40, and greater
than 80% in women over 45, which was her age range. This doesn’t take into account that it’s believed
that half of all fertilized eggs are miscarried before the woman is even aware
that she is pregnant. For those who know they are pregnant, the miscarriage
rate is somewhere between 10-15%. And for those who have experienced a
miscarriage, or have walked that journey with someone, you know how devastating
that can be. Therefore, we waited to tell people, including our daughters,
that Linda was pregnant until the end of the first trimester because of this
risk.
The third concern was the impact on
Linda’s overall health. The pregnancies for our first two children were
damaging to Linda’s body, and we were concerned that a third, more than a decade
later, would be even worse.
The final concern, or at least the
final for the sake of this message, was the risk of birth defects which are
hugely elevated for those of “advanced maternal age.” The older a woman is, the
more things can go wrong with the fetus, and many of those problems are not
survivable. Fortunately, there are now tests for a lot of these, and we had the
doctors test for as many things as they could so
we knew what to expect.
All of these things meant that Linda
and I had to have deep and detailed conversations about the what ifs, and what
we would do, or were prepared to do. And I can say that aborting the fetus was
one of the possible outcomes depending on the situation, which we had also
discussed with our doctor on what those steps would be. I am really grateful
that everything worked out and we have a beautiful, healthy and happy little
girl, but that’s not always the case.
In my ministry I have known women
who have had abortions for different reasons. The vast majority of them wanted
to have a child, but the situation did not allow for that to happen. When we
made our decisions about possibilities it was not easy, and I can tell you it
was not easy for these women or their partners. And just based on simple
statistics, the likelihood is that there are members of our congregation who
have had an abortion, so please keep that in mind as you may be discussing this
with others.
And I know that some will still want
to judge them, and say “If I was in that position….” But the world doesn’t work
like that. And even if it would be right for you, it does not mean that it is
right for someone else. It would be great if the world was black and white, and
every situation identical, but it’s not. The world is full of greys with
difficult decisions to be made.
Because of that sense of greyness, I
have always had great respect for the United Methodist Church’s position on
abortion, which says, in part, “Our belief in the sanctity of unborn human life
makes us reluctant to approve abortion. But we are equally bound to respect the
sacredness of the life and well-being of the mother and the unborn child. We
recognize tragic conflicts of life that may justify abortion, and in such cases
we support the legal option of abortion under proper medical procedures by
certified medical providers.” That is a position
which I have supported.
The Council of Bishops
released a statement in light of Friday’s Supreme Court ruling upholding the
church’s position and saying that the decision “denied the sacred worth of
women” as well as noting that “the decision serves to create a further divide
between persons of privilege who have the means to seek necessary health care
and those who lack this privilege due to their current economic condition,
their disproportionately affected lives, or the color of their skin.”
Of greater concern to me
is that this decision will not decide the issue. The arguments and divisiveness will only get worse, and women’s lives will be at
jeopardy. One state has already proposed banning abortions for ectopic
pregnancies and women who have had miscarriages have already been arrested and
prosecutions attempted before this decision. How is a woman to prove that her
miscarriage was not naturally occurring? I know that many women are already
removing menstruation tracking apps, or stopping their usage, for fear the
information could be used against them.
What research has shown is that
banning abortion does not stop the demand for abortion, it simply changes the
where and how. However, what has been shown to reduce abortions is higher basic
incomes, greater access to sex education and birth control (which are now also
under threat), access to affordable or free childcare, as well as greater
access to medical care, one of the biggest issues of which is cost.
We are a fairly well-off couple,
with good insurance, and we are still paying medical bills, three years later,
for the five days that Elizabeth spent in the NICU when she was born. Those
bills only get worse for children with severe physical or mental impairments,
and those needs and costs don’t go away as the children get older. We need to
be concerned about children not just for their time in the womb, but also for
when they are born and to be ready to support them and their parents.
I know that some of you may disagree
with me, and that’s okay, and please note that what I am saying is the position
of the UMC, not just a personal opinion. And the reality is that people’s
opinions on abortion, as shown in polls, haven’t changed very much in the last
50 years, which is why it continues to be a divisive issue in the country and
in our politics. And as I said, it’s going to get worse. There are already
court cases being prepared by Jewish and Muslim groups to challenge this ruling
on religious freedom grounds as their long-held belief is that life begins at
birth. And the church’s historic position has been that life began at
quickening, which is why the creedal statements used to say that Christ will
come to judge “the quick and the dead” as it was believed that the quickening
was the soul entering the body.
So, what I ask us all to do is to be
in prayer and, as I said on Sunday, to model appropriate behavior with one
another. We are all better when we are at the table together engaging in
conversation and we don’t have to be disagreeable simply because we disagree.
