I couldn’t find a count as to exactly how many proverbs are actually contained in the book of Proverbs, nor did I take the time to count them myself, although most sources put it between 800 and 900, but there are around 150 proverbs that deal with anger and words and the mouth. Outside of the Proverbs that talk about wisdom or folly, this has to be close to the most of any theme found in Proverbs, of which we only heard a small sampling of them in this morning’s readings, but I hope it was enough to begin to give you a feel for what these proverbs sound like.
Now this emphasis on the power of words is not unique to
Proverbs. We find similar things in our own modern proverbs or sayings about
anger and the power of words, things like: someone who gossips to you, will
gossip about you; honesty is the best policy; when angry the tongue works
faster than the mind; a word spoken is past recalling, and of course sticks and
stones my break our bones but words will never hurt us, even though we know
that’s fundamentally not true. And then there is what we find in other parts of
scripture that build on this theme.
In the letter of James, he says that though the tongue is
small, “yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a
small fire! And the tongue is a fire.” Indeed, James says, “If any think they
are religious, and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts, their
religion is worthless.” Now I mention James here, because of the books in the
New Testament, his is clearest in the continuation of the wisdom tradition
found in the Hebrew scriptures, of which proverbs is one, and at the beginning
of the letter even instructs people to ask God for wisdom, but James also
understands the power that the tongue plays to do good, to proclaim love and
healing, or as he says, to live the royal law of loving our neighbor as
ourselves. But, he also understands the power of the tongue to bring evil and
destruction. What James wanted to make clear was that we say was just as
important as what we do in proclaiming our faith. Because of words reveal who
we truly are and what we think.
Jesus says the same thing in today’s passage, in a
conversation that the disciples initially think is just about eating foods that
are not kosher, Jesus tells them not to worry about what they put into their
mouths goes into the stomach and then into the sewer, and thus does not defile
anyone. But, Jesus says “what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart,
and this is what defiles. For out of the heart come evil intentions,
murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander. These are
what defile a person.” While we still understand things coming from the heart,
the way it was understood in the ancient world was how we would now think of
the mind, or our thinking, or who we are. The words we use, the things we say,
how we react to others, reveals who we truly are, it reveals the things we
think we can keep hidden from others. And what proverbs says about this is that
while you can try and cover your thoughts for a while, and thus put forth a
false front, or more bluntly lies, that eventually the truth will come out. You
cannot hold up the false image forever. Eventually what you really think, who
you really are, what you really want to say will come out and you will be
revealed.
So, Jesus says pay attention to what others say, because it
is revealing, but, more importantly, pay attention to what you say, because
while you cannot control others you can control yourself. We can control how we
respond, whether we respond to anger with anger, or to hate with hate, whether
we offer soft words or harsh words, whether we offer words that cut or words
that heal. There are two paths we can choose, the right way or the wrong way,
the way of wisdom or the way of folly, the way of hate or the way of peace. And
what Jesus also says is that if we are angry with someone it’s like we have
committed murder, because that anger, that hatred, can lead to that. It’s that
small spark, that piece of the heart, that reveals what’s going on.
But, does that mean that anger is therefore inherently bad?
No. It’s one of our basic emotions and is triggered by the amygdala, the same
area of the brain that triggers fear and our fight, flight or freeze response.
It’s a primal emotion. But, it doesn’t have to be controlling, and the frontal
cortex, which involves more complex and rational thought, and also feelings
like love, can overcome these primal emotions. Now interestingly, the
stereotype is that men are more rational and women are more emotional, but
that’s actually not correct. The amygdala is generally larger and the frontal
cortex smaller in men, and the reverse in women, which makes total sense from
an evolutionary perspective. But both men and women have the ability to be
angry and to overcome anger. And again, it’s not a sin to be angry, what
matters is why we are angry and what we are going to do about it. As Ephesians
says, be angry, but don’t sin. We should be angry about injustice. We should be
angry about racism and sexism and bigotry. And we should seek to channel that
anger into making changes for the positive, to make things better, not just to
tear things down. So how do we do that? Well I’m glad you asked, and, not
surprisingly, it begins with our words.
One of the Proverbs we heard today, and what I based the
title on this message on, says that “Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the
tongue of the wise brings healing…” I love the imagery of that, rash words are
like sword thrusts, and in that you can see the words hitting people and the
damage that it’s doing. As I said, we know that words not only can hurt, but do
hurt. They hurt others when we use them against others, and they not only hurt
us when they are used against us, but they even hurt us when we use them
against others. As Jesus says, those who live by the sword will die by the
sword, and the thrusts we offer also hurt us as well, even if we are not aware
of it at the moment. Everyone is damaged by encounters with angry words that
cut like swords. But what Proverbs also tells us is how to respond when anger
is being directed, and its recognizing that “Those who guard their mouths
preserve their lives” that “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding”
and “A soft answer turns away wrath.” That is the path of wisdom, the way that
brings healing to the world, as the wise do, and the other ways are folly.
Now some will say
that holding in anger isn’t good for you that you need to express the emotion
when you’re feeling it, and by doing so it allows you to blow off the steam of
your anger and therefore to calm down. But, if you were hear for the kindness
challenge, you might remember that I said that what studies have found is that
expressing anger doesn’t release the steam, it actually turns up the heat. That
instead, to release the steam we need to pause and take that 10 second break,
take deep breaths to turn the heat off so that we don’t lash out and do harm
that we sometimes can’t undo. That’s the path of wisdom we find in Proverbs as
well because harsh words not only turn up our anger, but they turn up the anger
of the person on the receiving end as well. There is a reason why Jesus told us
to turn the other cheek. It’s not so we would be stepped all over, but instead
to take a higher road, the road away from escalation and confrontation, because
no one wins in those situations, and as Christians we are called to do and to
be more, we will be known, Jesus says, by the love that we show, not by the
anger or harsh words that we show.
And just as Jesus shows us the pathway to discipleship,
Proverbs is doing the same, and calling for discipline in our lives. Now
normally when we hear the word discipline we think of punishment, unless you’re
a good Methodist and then you think of the book the structures the church. But
it’s that sense of structure and rules that we need to be disciplined according
to Proverbs. So, for example, if you ever want to run a marathon, then you have
to discipline yourself and your schedule and all the other things that go into
it to make that goal a reality. You have to give up doing other things in order
to do this thing. Proverbs says that to offer words of healing, you have to
give up what you might want to say, which is probably folly anyways, in order
to practice the path of wisdom. It’s much easier to respond to anger with anger
and hate with hate and harsh words with harsh words. It takes work. It takes
discipline. It takes self-control, one of the fruits of the Spirit, to not
respond likewise and instead to show wisdom and offer healing instead.
And some of this is not just paying attention to our words,
but, as Jesus says, also paying attention to our thoughts which lead to our
words which lead to our actions. And this starts with how we understand anger,
or other emotions. So, for example, we usually say “I am angry.” The verb to be
is a pretty strong verb, and it has to do with identity. So, we say “I am a
student, or a doctor, or a minister, or retired” or whatever it might be. That
is part of our identity, and so when we say, “I am angry” or “I am sad” or even
“I am happy” we are saying that’s our identity, which takes on longer term
ramification, rather than being something that could be temporary. So, we don’t
say “I am a fever” “I am cancer” “I am flu.” Instead, we say I have a fever,
etc. and yes, I know we do say things like “I am sick,” but perhaps we
shouldn’t. Instead, I would propose that we say things like “I have anger”
which means that it is temporary, it is not who we are. Which then serves as a
reminder that we have control over how we respond. When we react out in anger
to something that someone has done to us, and feel that we have to, it’s
allowing others to control our lives, to make choices for us, rather than being
in control. This too is part of self-disciple and self-control, and to remember
that “to watch over mouth and tongue is to keep out of trouble.” So, take a
deep breath, and don’t respond the way you want, even maybe keep your mouth
shut because Proverbs says, “even fools who keep silent are considered wise.”
Seth Godin talks about the difference between fighters and
boxers. Fighters are people who fight because they have to, or feel they have
to. Their backs are against the wall or they see something happening that they
just can’t tolerate. It’s urgent, but also temporary. A boxer, on the other
hand is someone who fights just because they like to fight. It’s a hobby, or a
profession for them. They don’t have to, but they want to. Television is filled
with professional boxers who just like to argue and fight, and so arguing with
such people, responding to the punches they want to throw will never get you
ahead, and you will never win, because all they are interested in is to fight.
Proverbs says about people like this “as charcoal is to hot embers and wood to
fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife,” but we are to remember
“For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer” no
instigator “quarrelling ceases.” (26:20-21)
And that’s where compassion might also come in to play; the
ability to learn to see and love the other. Because often those who want to
box, and sometimes even those who want to fight, are simply expressing
something troubling inside them. Richard Rohr has said that pain that is not
transformed will always be transmitted. Fear and anxiety will do the same. Sometimes
the anger and hurt being expressed at us is anger and hurt that the other
person is feeling in themselves. Sometimes depression is expressed as anger,
and what studies have shown is that happens because the depression shuts down
the frontal cortex ability to counter act the anger coming from the amygdala as
it would normally do. So you don’t have to express your sympathy or concern,
depending on the situation and relationship, because sometimes that will make
them even madder, but you can tell yourself that what is happening has
absolutely nothing to do with you. And instead to remember the Proverb that death
and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat
its fruits,” Or as the Message translates it, “Words kills, words give
life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose.” And so we can either choose
to offer fruit and life and healing to others, or we can choose the path of
folly.
Finally, to help us in watching our words, a simple check on ourselves is to operate as if everything we say would be known to the entire world, which they might be. I am continually amazed at people who post on Facebook or twitter or somewhere else on the internet or are in a public place where there clearly are security cameras or people filming and then are amazed that it wasn’t private. So, a question to ask yourself is, if what you say was to be broadcast on the news tonight, would you be happy with that, or would you want to take it back? Or perhaps you can ask “If my mom heard this would she be happy?” That might help us not to say a lot of things that we do say. Jesus says that what comes out of our mouth is important because it reveals who we are, and Proverbs tells us that our words, when they are said to cut, can be like sword thrusts, and that death and life come from the power of the tongue, and we will eat the fruit that they produce. Words do matter, so choose your words carefully. I pray that it will be so my brothers and sisters. Amen.
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