Last night in our conflict management training the facilitator had us practice a circle process in which everyone was given the opportunity to say a few words about their feelings surrounding this congregation's decision to become a reconciling ministry and the process that brought this about. Neither Pastor Joel nor I were here for this process, but we have certainly heard the pain that remains on both sides of the issue. I think it was very enlightening for some because they had no idea that people felt the way they did. For others it reopened old wounds and for a few it created wounds that were not there before. But the only way we can get beyond these feelings is to actually deal with them in constructive and positive ways. We cannot just move on because they will invariably come up again.
In hearing stories of past conflicts I would also say that while the issue was different, the story is the same. Each church has a DNA that exists regardless of who is attending, and can span generations and sometimes centuries. People become enculterated into a system and operate the way that system works, even if they might like to do something differently. But this requires someone identifying the system, everyone deciding that a change is necessary and then taking the time to actually make the change. Systems can be changed, but they require us all being open and honest, listening to each other, recognizing hurts and pains and all working to move forward together.
We are all children of God and precious in God's sight and when we forget that, when we move into us versus them, winners and losers, then not only do we all become losers but we also lose our way and our focus on our reason for being, God who loves each and everyone of us.
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